


slow dancing in the dark

by thelivingflop



Series: haikyuu song inspired oneshots [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, M/M, Panic Attacks, Tiny bit of Angst, bokuto is an angel, kuroo tries to make bodai a thing, slow dancing in the dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:54:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27606580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelivingflop/pseuds/thelivingflop
Summary: inspired by slow dancing in the dark by joji
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: haikyuu song inspired oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018299
Kudos: 20





	slow dancing in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> tw: mentions of abuse, description of panic attack - i am in no way trying to romanticise anything and i'm incredibly sorry if i offend anyone

Akaashi didn't want a friend. He wanted something more. He wanted his life in two. It had been just him for a while and he craved someone else, someone else to share his life with but that wouldn't come easy. Fuck, it probably wouldn't come at all. All his friends, not that he ever had many in the first place, had abandoned him because of what Akaashi called 'his dances', he hated using the real term because the real term made it seem too real.

He sighed as he made his way out his apartment and to the bar across the road.

"Just one more night." he told himself as he pushed open the doors and stepped onto the sticky floor.

He had been coming here for a month now. Every night he downed exactly ten drinks, no more, no less, and then he would stumble back to his apartment. Alone. as always. he knew he needed to stop and get his life back on track, which is why he would return to the hot, dark atmosphere of the bar just one last time.

Akaashi had no idea why he was looking for someone, He would only drag them down with him and he knew this but his own selfishness drowned out his better judgement. His 'dances' slowly killed him and everyone around him but there was nothing he could do to prevent that. He couldn't change his past so therefore he can't change his present. That's what he thought anyway.

He had just ordered his tenth drink and scoffed to himself. Why did he expect to find something here? He had been waiting all night for... for what exactly? Himself? Her? Him? Akaashi didn't know so he just raised the glass to his lips and prepared himself for a lifetime of disappointment, which to be honest, was nothing he couldn't handle.

The door to the bar was pushed open and a group of people walked in and the drink at Akaashi's lips was forgotten as he met a pair of bright, golden eyes. Akaashi's gaze flicked up and down the owner before returning to lock onto the gold. The owner of the eyes was a tall, muscular man. His skin was soft tan colour and his hair was spiked up, the roots a dark black but the tips a frosted white that turned different colours under the flashing lights of the bar.

Akaashi watched as the man said something to his group of friends before walking over to the bar. He moved so energetically, his feet bounded across the sticky floor and it almost looked as if he was jumping through the sky, the bright smile on his face certainly managed to rival the sun. Akaashi was mesmerised.

The man took a seat next to Akaashi and cleared his throat.

"Some eyes you've got there, huh." the man stated, bringing his hand up to Akaashi's face and running his finger along the underside of his left eye. "Bokuto Kōtarō."

"Akaashi Keiji."

Akaashi studied the man further. He was perfect. His skin almost seemed to be glowing, his hair, although unusual, suited him perfectly and his clothes accentuated his lean frame. Akaashi knew he shouldn't drag someone as angelic as this into his hell of a life but he was done fighting his own mind all night.

"Here alone, I presume." Bokuto said in that chirpy, happy voice of his.

"Yeah. Would be nice if someone came along with me once in a while but we can't have it all, can we?" Akaashi sighed. "And you're not here alone."

"Yep. Though, I think I would prefer to be. I got dragged along by my friend who is trying to set me up with that one, there." Bokuto said, whilst pointing towards his group of friends.

Akaashi followed Bokuto's finger and his eyes landed on a tall, muscular figure. He had deep brown eyes and cropped, black hair. Very stereotypically attractive. But, he also seemed nice. The way he handled everything seemed as if he almost knew what was coming, kind of like a dad. Akaashi felt annoyed at by how much this guy seemed to have it together.

Akaashi hummed. "What's he like?"

"Nice." Bokuto paused. "But that's all really. Nothing about him jumps out at me. But, he wouldn't be a bad boyfriend, you know."

Akaashi finished his drink before ordering a glass of water. He needed to sober up if he didn't want to fuck this up. He probably should fuck this up but god, he wanted this. He needed this.

The two men sat and talked for a while, never once did the conversation become awkward or come to a halt. It just flowed, it felt so natural and Akaashi felt so guilty but that didn't stop him dragging Bokuto further down with every word.

"Say, Akaashi? Where'd you get that scar on your head?" Bokuto asked, running his fingers along the thin, pale white line on Akaashi's head.

Akaashi wracked his brain, trying to remember what was the exact cause of it. Was it his mother throwing a plate at him, his father smashing his head against the table, his older brother pushing him off the swings in the park or was it neither of those things? Akaashi knew it was caused by abuse but exactly what, he didn't know.

"Bokuto-san, do you wanna get out of here?" Akaashi asked, completely avoiding the question. It was easier that way.

"Sure. Let's head over to my place." Bokuto said as he grabbed his wallet and paid for their drinks.

It would've been easier to head to Akaashi's place, considering as it was just across the road, but Akaashi's place was full of demons he didn't want to face tonight.

The two men hopped in a taxi and headed to Bokuto's place. Akaashi noticed that Bokuto was shuffling closer and closer to him throughout the journey, he wished Bokuto would stop shuffling and just move so their shoulders and thighs were touching. Akaashi craved the contact so much but he was slightly scared that once he had it, he wouldn't be able to let it go.

The two reached the apartment complex that Bokuto lived in and got in the lift. Akaashi guessed that Bokuto's apartment would look exactly like Bokuto. Perfect. and Akaashi's guesses were confirmed when Bokuto pushed open the door and Akaashi saw an apartment that looked like a home. Photos filled the walls and there was a sense of comfort that lingered in the air.

"You have a pretty place." Akaashi commented as he wondered around the apartment.

"I guess it's like you then." Bokuto said, smoothly.

Akaashi felt a hand tug on his wrist and he was spun around to find himself only centimetres away from Bokuto's face. A light blush settled on Akaashi's cheeks when he realised Bokuto was staring intently at his lips. All of a sudden, Bokuto leant forward and captured Akaashi's lips in his own. The kiss was somewhat rough but it was sweet and full of emotion.

Crazy how attached you can become in a matter of hours.

The two pulled away, breathless, and stared at each other and softly panted.

"I like you, Akaashi." Bokuto stated, bluntly.

The words echoed around in Akaashi's brain. He knew this wasn't good but the alcohol, his selfishness and his desires blurred every rational thought in his brain.

"I like you too, Bokuto-san." Akaashi said, his speech slightly slurred. "But when I'm around slow dancing in the dark, don't follow me because you'll end up in my arms."

Akaashi knew that probably none of that made sense to Bokuto and honestly, Akaashi never wanted it to make sense to Bokuto. in order for it to make sense, Akaashi would have to delve deep into his dark, corrupted mind and he would have to explain why he has to go to therapy twice a week and why he's on so much medication. Akaashi knew he wasn't stable enough for all of that.

Bokuto shot Akaashi a confused look before smiling. "Okay. Now, come on, let's go to my room."

Akaashi nodded and let Bokuto pull him into his room. Akaashi reattached his lips to Bokuto's as soon as the door was shut. God, he'd missed this. The two made their way over to the bed and fell down, their lips never breaking apart. It wasn't until Bokuto started to pepper kisses along Akaashi's neck did Akaashi push him away and look him in the eyes.

"Give me reasons we should be complete." Akaashi said. Akaashi wanted to know why Bokuto chose him over the perfect human being, that Akaashi had later learned went by the name of Daichi. "You should be with him, I can't compete."

Bokuto looked at Akaashi like he was someone else. He looked at Akaashi as if he was perfect. As if he was pretty. As if he was the whole world.

"Akaashi, you could compete with anyone and win easily. you're... perfect." Bokuto whispered.

Akaashi smiled at these words, they made him feel like he was worth something. But, also upon hearing these words, Akaashi felt his demons begin to approach. He felt them, hiding in the shadows of Bokuto's bedroom. Akaashi knew that they would come for him, like they did every night.

"Hey, Bokuto-san." Akaashi said. "When you gotta run, just hear my voice in you, shutting me out of you."

"Your words confuse me sometimes Akaashi but, okay."

Akaashi smiled before snuggling into Bokuto's side and yawned. "I'm tired."

"Go to sleep." Bokuto pressed a kiss against Akaashi's forehead.

Akaashi felt so guilty for dragging Bokuto into this mess. Bokuto knew nothing about it yet but he would soon. Akaashi swore that if you looked hard enough, you could see a halo and some wings surrounding Bokuto. How the hell did someone like him end up with an angel? Akaashi wondered how Bokuto would cope with being dragged to the fiery depths of hell.

As Bokuto's breathing fell into a deep, steady rhythm, Akaashi felt the demons getting closer. He tried to shut his eyes and pretend they weren't there but it didn't work. It never did.

Akaashi climbed out of the warm comfort of Bokuto's bed and sat in the corner of the dark room, his knees pulled up to his chest. Akaashi felt himself begin to shake as an overwhelming fear over took him. It's like he was being drowned in it. The room began to spin and his vision blurred. His chest became tighter and tighter, making every breath harder to take. A small whimper escaped his lips as he tried to call out for help, but no one would come. No one ever came and he was going to be left to slow dance in the dark by himself as always.

Akaashi covered his eyes with his hands as his body trembled, trying to take in air. He needed it to be over soon, He couldn't take anymore. Akaashi wondered why he was born if he was going to have such a fucked up life.

All of a sudden, Akaashi felt a soft hand on his shoulder and another rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"Hey, it's okay Akaashi. I'm here. Breathe with me, okay. In and out, in and out." Bokuto soothed Akaashi.

Bokuto kept whispering soothing things in Akaashi's ear as he focused on breathing with Bokuto. Akaashi felt his chest begin to loosen and the fear that once overtook him was now slowly beginning to leave.

"Don't wanna anymore... too dark." Akaashi whispered.

"You don't have to. I'm here to help you." Bokuto whispered.

Akaashi nodded and in that moment, he felt safer than he had ever before. He had a feeling he wouldn't be slow dancing in the dark as often anymore.


End file.
